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Helena
In this page I have read stories of people who at a tender
age came to realise they were different, how and what they experienced.
Mine is quite the opposite: I’m 35 years old and I have only just
found out Indigos exist at all and that I’m one of them or…
should I say “one of you”! So, this is all new to me. That
is why I decided to share my story with you… I believe there are
many like me, who feel in their heart of hearts they don’t fit in
(they never have) but cannot explain it, can’t even finger it. Reading
the other stories on this page took me back to my childhood and made me
think of things that happened then I didn’t remember anymore, I
never even thought them important in my identification process.
Indigos have been a commun subject in the USA for several decades now,
but not so much in Portugal (my country of origin) and I believe there
are many other countries where this subject is still news to many like
me. Now I realise I have many friends or people around me who (I believe)
are Indigos and, although they’ve heard Indigos, don’t review
themselves.
I found out about Indigos “by chance”. Today I know nothing
IS “by chance”, but it was as if the person talking about
Indigos had opened the book of “me” and were telling everyone
who I was, what I was and felt like, how I perceived the world round me.
An incredible sense of home coming flushed over me, I cried and felt soooo
relieved. Finally, someone who understood!
So, my story here to you is not about all the things that happened or
all that I remember as an Indigo, rather what I felt because I DIDN’T
KNOW, didn’t understand… me!
I was different (physically: tall, fat and blond for a Portuguese girl),
felt different, had a different education (lots of extra curricular activities
– both my sister and I were hyperactive and my mum tried to keep
us busy. I believe my sister is also an Indigo, like my nephew) and felt
an outcast in environments I did not choose, rather were chosen for me
such as school, the whole town I lived in; on top of that the feedback
from people around me corresponded and reiterated what I felt and knew:
I was different, I wasn’t like the others. Part of me wanted to
be, but part of me was happy with the difference somehow... Only when
I started choosing what to do, where to go, friends… did I start
feeling that sense of belonging. Still I never even asked myself why it
was so. I am a Virgo and therefore rationalized everything. As a teenager
I realised I had some telepathy, but never really gave it much thought
or even credit. The samething happened with my intuition, which has always
been very strong. Againd I rationalized it, just as I always rationalized
everything in my life and jokingly called myself “Miss Coincidences”.
School was a nightmare: I didn’t fit in with most of my colleagues
(still today I don’t have childhood/school friends) and all the
great friends I have today, came at a later age. As soon as the 2nd grade
I started having trouble with the teachers (they all said I was a difficult
child) and this followed me until I finished University. I was soon labelled
by relatives and adults around me as being a rebel, a very badly and misbehaved
girl, always up to no good.
Living unaware of who I was, was very difficult and painfull for me. Being
a warrior at heart and always fighting everything and everyone I put up
all sorts of walls around me to defend myself from a world that was so
aggressive and didn’t understand me and I them. I always carried
that sense of inadequacy, that sense the world was set against me and
anger, rage, frustration and so many other negative feelings built up
along the years. It was me against the world and I was alone on my quest.
People around said I was a very strong person, and yet I felt so small
inside and fragile… I hurt and felt lonely.
Eventually, and as I like saying, life caught up with me. “Life”
had to put a stop to the race I was running toward a precipice. A known
Portuguese author (Agostinho da Silva) says: “Don’t plan out
your life, so you won’t spoil the plans it has for you!”.
I spent a whole life making plans, deciding what my future was going to
be like and never once lived the present moment. As a result, I fell ill
and lost ALL I had: Overworked because of a job I didn’t identify
with, stressed out of my wits, a major depression settling in, I still
resisted drug treatment for about a year, but as time went by and I did’t
feel much better (in spite of all the yoga, accupunture, quiropractor,
psycologists, etc.) I eventually caved in… to no avail! The drugs
numbed me. That goes to say, they postponed my recovery. I tried to go
back to work though in a different area (which I love and believe is actually
part of my mission in this life: it deals both with teaching and “healing”/treating)
but I was still unaware of who I was and therefore things just weren’t
happening, with twice the effort I wouldn’t get half the results
my colleagues got. Though my heart was in it, my soul wasn’t, now
I understand that. Once again frustration took over and I went back to
the drugs (antidepressives) and this time it soon became clear that wasn’t
the way. I was feeling much worse on them than before. … That was
September last year (2005). Since then my life has been a rollercoaster.
“By chance” and purely out of despair (I had nowhere else
to turn to, had tried everything…) I landed in a group of people
who told me about things I knew of and liked to talk about, but never
really gave the due relevance: my spiritual path (here’s their site,
in case you want to know more www.alexandrasolnado.com). Through them
I learnt of the Indigo Children, there being Indigo Adults among them.
I’m coming on 36 and the past 5 months have probably been the most
difficult, but at the same time the most rewarding of my life. Finally
it makes sense. I make sense!!!
Now I ask a lot less “Why’s”, I’m learning to
let go and things are happening. Letting go is not easy… I have
an Ego bigger than myself, I’m a Virgo. Put 2 and 2 together and
you get an explosive mixture of “Mind”and “Will”
rather than “Feel”. But I’m at peace and learning to
forgive myself and accepting what comes. I know it’s a matter of
time. And I’m lookinf forward to it!!!
I would like to express my many thanks to you (I’d like to know
your name), who made this page available to us. I started going through
it just a few days ago, but I’ve already learnt SOOO increadibly
much about myself. You have shed light into my life. As I said before,
the info available in Portuguese is so scarse. I had read it time and
again, knew it all by heart but needed more and The Indigo Way has just
provided it. Please, keep going! I’ll keep reading you!
Helena
(if you want and think it relevant, you can post my story, my name and
my email on the page)
PS - I don't know how, but I would like you to know I'd like to help you
in any way possible...
HELENA REBELO helena_rebelo@yahoo.it
(Helena Rebelo)
TLM 91 21 26 989
TLM 962 88 99 55
www.ONegocio.com/ilena
www.NutriLoja.com/ilena
"Não tenhas planos para a vida para não estragares
os planos que a vida tem para ti..."
Chiacchiera con i tuoi amici in tempo reale!
http://it.yahoo.com/mail_it/foot/*http://it.messenger.yahoo.com
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